The Fabricators In Love And The Higher Realm Part 4

Our History – The Woodworking Witch

My grandmother raised me, and she taught me over the years how to love unconditionally. However, over the years, she aged, and during the last ten years of her life, she turned me over to my uncles and my dad, to be taken care of. They decided that the way my grandmother was training me was wrong and made them look terrible, so I ended up marrying my first wife.

I loved her despite everything she had done in her past, but I decided to cover things up, not recognize them, and love her anyway. Everything went great until her family, and my family got involved in our marriage. I went to my father for some advice on an apartment we were living in, and I did not drink at this particular time, even though I was taught to drink when I was a young guy.

During conversations over weeks and months, things got even worse at the apartment we were living in, and I took on two jobs to fix that situation, still receiving counseling from my uncles and my dad. I didn’t realize that my dad and uncles were jealous of me at that time because I was a loving individual, and they were dogs towards women and gave our family name a bad reputation.

One day my uncle, whom I loved very much, decided to take me for a ride in his pick-up truck. We decided to stop and buy a case of beer and a pint of Canadian Mist. Then we drove to Chicago, Il, to my aunt’s house, who was in Pill Hill, close to Stoney Island. She invited us in to her house.

She was a bartender and also had her own in house bar. Drinks started to pour freely, and that was the point the reprogramming of my mind started. However, because I was loving and kind and loved them so much, I never noticed what they were trying to do.

After that evening was over, my uncle drove me back to my grandmother’s house, and he watched me get into my car and drive home. Needless to say, because I was drunk, even though I made it home safe, my wife knew I had been drinking. She began to cry, but I was too drunk and just went to bed.

As weeks and months passed, I started spending more time with my uncles and my dad, even though I was still taken care of business at home and treated my wife with love and kindness, I slowly became my own worst nightmare. My dad started to supply the alcohol for my uncle and me, and after about six months of drinking with them, my dad made a statement to me that caught my attention. He told me the way I treated my wife, made them look bad because their idea of loving a woman is the 3 F’s – find them – F..k them and forget them.

What I did not know was that at the same time, my wife was also being reprogrammed. Even though her mother was a missionary at church, and my dad was an ordained minister, this is the kind of mindset those people had.

While this was going on, I still maintained two jobs and had to make two moves with my family and found out that the second move I made would be the last with my wife. My drinking became excessive, even though I never was violent, but because of the interference from both sides of our families, my wife and I finally grew apart. To hold our family together, I decided to take a job at a factory as a maintenance man.

Still fighting the alcohol demon and all the bullshit that accompanies it, and still trying to maintain a church life and follow the teachings of my pastors, I slowly watched my grandmother’s health deteriorate. I watched my dad, and my uncle takes command of a sinking ship. My grandmother passed away before I went to Heartland, a Christian Rehabilitation Center. I spend the following year alone and depressed, even though I was still married. In 1995, because of family influence, my first wife and I separated.

I ended up living with my father, which in turn decided that he would call the police and have me removed from his house. I ended up staying in several rooming houses, getting deeper and deeper involved in alcohol and drugs.
After a few years on the streets constantly dealing with fly by night jobs because of my skill set, I was invited to a Thanksgiving party thrown by my sister. At that time, my biological mother was still alive, and my son was present at that party too, along with my two daughters. They told me about a place called Heartland, and my son told me that there were forgiving people and would help me with my alcohol and drug-disease. I told my son that I could not go there, because I grew up with Christians, and I thought they were phonies for the most part and not true to their own God.

After the party was over, I went to a shelter and spent the night there. The next few days went by, and I ended up at my sister’s house again. When I walked through the door, she smelled alcohol on my breath again, and I admitted to drinking, so she told me I could stay at her house for 35.- USD. I gave her the money, and she led me to the guest bedroom (may I mention that she is a Christian and Evangelist herself). I noticed that I had a quart of wine in my pocket, emptied the bottle and threw it in the trash can with the rest of the garbage in a way that could not be detected. Somewhere between the time I was there and midnight, she woke me up out of a dead sleep and asked me if it was my wine bottle because it was not hers. I explained that I emptied it and put it in a garbage can. She told me to get up and threw me out without giving me my money, even though I asked for it.

When she closed the front door, you could feel the heat leaving me, and at this particular time, I was dressed lightly and had no gloves. The temperatures were freezing, and I walked to a store to buy myself a pint of whiskey and asked one of the locals where there was the nearest shelter to get warm. They explained that the nearest shelter was a few miles down the road, and I started to drink my whiskey on the way there to keep warm. I arrived at the shelter, but it was closed. There was a White Castle Hamburger joint across the street, and I went there to warm up. I stayed for about an hour and a half, but the people behind the counter asked me to leave. I went back across the street to the shelter and sat down on the sidewalk by a pole and went to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I could not move. I started to cry, I was in pain and hurting and thinking about everything I had been through in my life, and asked the Lord for help. I told him I could not do this anymore by myself and needed his help. Somehow or another, I managed to get up on my feet, which were frozen along with my hands, but I dragged myself to the street. An ambulance was passing by, pulled over, and took me with them. They wrapped a blanket around me and took me to the hospital. The emergency doctors took me in but did not want to treat me since I had no insurance, but there was a doctor who made a different call and told them they had to treat me.

I spent two weeks in the hospital and finally got well enough to figure out where I was. I was taken down to the rehabilitation room, where I was given a walker with the remark that I would never walk again, but they would reach me how to use this walker. The only next of kin I had at that time, that may have wanted anything to do with me, was my sister. After a few days, she finally came to the hospital and told me that she could not take care of me and would put me in a nursing home. I called my son in Heartland, and he told me that he would take it from there. I told my sister about my situation, and she bought me a handicapped ticket and gave me to one of my younger brothers, who took me to the Union Station, explained to someone in the information booth, that I had to get on the train and just left me there.

I took the train to Quincey, Il, where my son picked me up at the train station, and from there, I went to a place called Lebelle Mo. What I did not know was that I would be here for the next ten years. This is where Heartland, the Christian Recovery Center, is.

I learned to love the people there with all their mistakes and shortcomings and learned, that organized religion and Christianity was not for me, but sobriety and Jesus Christ were.

After ten years of being in Heartland, I married a minister, who also claimed to be a counselor and a teacher. So I decided to give Christianity and its followers one more shot. I pulled out some old plans I had in my head for a long time and started to put them together. During the ten years, I stayed in Heartland, I was able to build a workshop for myself, bought a nice pick-up truck, and create a decent income. Throughout my second marriage, my wife, who was supposed to be a Christian and ordained minister, came to me one day after coming off the road and explained to me that Missouri law claims that all she had to do was to stay married to me for five years. I would have to take care of her for the rest of her life.

Previously, before this conversation came up, she talked me into trusting and loving her, which she said, that I did not and that I had to let my past die. So I let my guards down after deciding to trust her and started a joint bank account. She introduced me to people from a different church, who showed me love and affection, even though I felt uneasy about that. Later on, I would find out that my first inclination was correct: She was a phony along with everyone she hung around.

After five years of what I thought was a loving relationship, she suddenly turned on me and left me out in the cold. After a bitter court battle, the courts figured out that she was fabricating the story after lengthy investigations and conversations with me. I ended up having to pay her off with half of my business, which I built in Heartland, and we went our separate ways.

When I got back into my Semi, I started to think that I have been in church and around Christians since I was a child. I broke off fights in church, solved evil situations, and even had an affair with an evangelist at 17 years old who was married and my bible teacher to one of the musicians in the choir.

Sitting in Tennessee one night in my truck, I decided that it was time for a change. I still wanted to be a Christian without following their rules because I knew what that would lead to. I sat on the side of the street. I thought of pastor Charlie, who was the founder of Heartland Rehabilitation Center, their rise and fall, their rise and fall in the Church of Christ, as I observed it, the rise and fall of the church, my sister sent me to, and all the Christians claiming to know Jesus but did not seem to.

I played with my laptop and discovered another way to live for the Lord in a solitary atmosphere. I started to do research and started to rebuild my workshop, and I came across a group of solitary believers, that teach you how to serve the Lord, and not have to deal with all the chaos of organized religion.

As I went along on my journey, and everyone I know needs someone. We all need companionship. I was getting tired of dealing with self-proclaimed female Christians and ministers, as well as the male versions of those. I prayed and asked the Lord to send me a female who was a non-church goer, but god-fearing with Christian beliefs.

So over the next few months, the Lord finally introduced me to one, and even though the relationship we have would be strange to many people, I believe in the miraculous wonders of the Lord. At the moment, we share our lives 8000 miles apart and on FaceTime, but we believe that the good Lord will put us together soon. We already made our vows and committed to each other for life.

To all of the Christians out there, who have a relationship with their husbands/wives, let me explain to you how this works: When you marry as a Christian in the name of the Lord, the ring you wear stands for something. When you make that vow before the Lord, that is a two-way street. You are committing yourself to each other for life, but most people take that for granted. Most Christians do not even know who they serve. They go to church on Sundays and going out to dinner, thinking they served the Lord. Christianity is a way of life and is not to take lightly.

Therefore, I never want to go through the same crap again, so I decided to step out of the traditional way of doing things and marry someone true to her faith. Even though her religion is different, it is exactly that way of believing that I felt drawn to ever since I was a child.

Christians say they love unconditionally, but it always seems to come with conditions when you get right down to it. I do not want to get further into it, because it would take too long to explain, but in brief, I found a female who shares the same beliefs I have.

For the first time in my life, I can honestly say we are twin flames and two hearts that beat as one. Life may be a little difficult now for both of us, and instead of running away from our problems, we work together to solve them, while most of the Christians I know don’t do that. It is not a put-down in any way to any Christian belief, or anywhere in life, it is just an observation I made during my life.

Because of the feelings I have, I cannot be dishonest any longer. I will probably be a solitary Christian for the rest of my life, only sharing my faith with the one I love. If the Lord says the same, we will run our businesses together and dedicate our services to rehabilitate the homeless, the forgotten, and the people Christians don’t believe they deserve to have a chance to live. Thank you for your time, and have a blessed day.

As told by the woodworking witch R.B.

The Fabricators in Love And The Higher Realm – Part 3

– The Saga Continues –

Covid 19 and A Developing Love In Midst Of World Chaos

How desperate must one be to give up everything and start over and fresh at the age of 60 years?

How long can anyone deal with coldness and neglect in a relationship that was once love?

How do you deal with when you realize years ago, it is only a charade and facade but your significant other has no clue?

Should I stay or should I go?

All of the sudden I was in love – at 60. I fell into a deep kind of love that I have never felt before with anyone. It is beautiful and exciting, as well as invigorating and refreshing.

All of the sudden there is someone who cares, who hangs on your lips and listens to every word you say; someone who takes a real interest in everything you do and say and someone who looks out for you in every way – genuinely.

You ask yourself: How did you deserve to find this kind of love?

Maybe it is not of this world.And it is not your better or worse half, but someone you have never met in person.

Let me back up a bit. Today is a very strange day. If I thought things would be peaceful, I was wrong.

After all, my soon to be ex-husband declared a complete understanding for the reasons of me breaking up my marriage weeks ago. The fact that I am in love with someone else is not even the factor for it, because if my marriage was alright, I would have never fallen for anyone else. My eyes would not have wandered and my ears would have not listened for the sweet whisper of my woodworking witch.

This is not the usual love relationship, because right now it only exists on the higher realm and on face time, since we are still 8000 miles apart. But it is the kind of love, that is forever, that survives the craziness of anything and that is glued together for all eternity.

I had my moments of Glory and Fame and cannot deny, that my now husband has a little to do with that. People will not understand that I am giving up producing at my own Record Label and with my own personal producer, that I waited years on to learn the job.

I could have gone to other labels, but it was not only about the producing, instead I was trying to give the man I was married to a feeling of self worth and pride, but he did not get that one at all. He did not see, that I sacrificed years waiting for him to get it together, when my career could have rocketed somewhere else.

When he finally did get it together, I was the one realizing how unhappy I had become over the years.

I was lonely in a marriage and dying on the inside. Sure, I tried to talk to him about it, but was put off with rude remarks like: “Quit your whining, get a hobby so you have something to do” or the really good one “Call someone who gives a shit.”

I stopped talking a few years ago and just embedded myself into what I thought was my destiny.

I had and still have my rescue animals and they did and still do make me very happy, but on a different level.

I was still dying. My husband was happily talking to his exes in a very friendly manner in a tone of voice, that I did not hear in his voice for years when he was talking to me. You could say, he was beasty, bossy and being a total asshole at all times.

Did I feel close to him anymore? Hell no, I started to isolate myself and did what I always had to do: work to earn the money for the family, take care of the big ass garden, since he was not able (so he said) and became an emotional corpse.

Sex was not on the agenda mainly, because I have to be in love to give myself to someone and I have not been in love with that man for a very long time, but did not really realize that until Covid 19 happened and Thailand was under lockdown.

I have been in self-quarantine since January and been going out only with permission and when I had to.

I don’t do well locked up and had to go into my garden a lot not to feel like a prisoner. At least I could do that and thought of everyone that was stuck in one room apartments.

Then there was the sexual fantasy of one of my husbands exes and she freely shared it with him; like what she would like to do to him. He did not really participate in that but he did not stop her either and asked me after I complained with what right I deserve her respect as his wife? (I explained that in the last blog)

I was furious and angry and lost my temper right there, which was nothing nice.

In the meantime something started to blossom that kind of crept up like a tender reed, very shyly, but persistent in the midst of all that ugliness and craziness my marriage and the world had to offer.

Today’s sixty is the new forty and I never thought about age, when I broke it off with my husband, but I thought of feeling free, finding happiness and love and breathing a hell a lot easier again.

So here I am now – stripped of all pretending, going through hell, because I miss my woodworking witch so badly and want to go home to be with him forever, enduring the bullshit my still husband is giving me on a daily base and saying goodbye to my past.

It was a good past at times with glorious moments and I have fond memories of many things, especially where my music is concerned, but I am breaking free from a prison and a make believe world, in which I would have suffocated sooner or later, because my soul was already dead and I did not know it.

I pray to the father, the son and the holy ghost, as well as the Gods and Goddesses of all other traditions to release me soon from this prison and hell and give me the opportunity to be their vessel along with my sweet woodworking witch, who also is a God fearing man, with different beliefs.

We are one in our thinking, our feelings, our everyday lives and the way we do things. We spend at least twelve hours per day together in face time and it almost is as if we are already living together with only one difference – which is 8000 miles between us.

Can a digital love survive? You bet it can and I will keep you updated on how our story continues. Right now it is what it is, but these big emotions and this wonderful love between us is not of this world and what Gods have put together, no man shall ever destroy. It is beautiful and we both are so deeply in love with each other like neither of us have ever been.There will be a day soon, where we will be together forever.

Namaste from Thailand, my dear ones …

And How Was Your Day?

The Fabricators In Love And The Higher Realm 2

– The Saga continues – Mastering problems –

What all are you willing to go through in the name of love?

How deeply can you fall in love?

How do you know without ever having taken that test ride, if the horse is the right one?

How much can you endure in the name of love?

Can a Cyber love survive?

For My Woodworking Witch

Let us be honest. We know the nose knows first when we fall for someone, because it is not the looks, but the body chemistry that attracts us to each other and in our subconscious mind, we know before the eyes have met.

I heard men say: I looked in her eyes and I was in love – BULLSHIT.

I heard women say: His hands look so gentle – BULLSHIT.

Men will always look at tits and ass first before they even get to the eyes. Ask a man that states: “I looked at her eyes,” what color they were and nine out of ten cannot answer that.

Women will say: “Well I looked at his face and hands and they looked so gentle.” Yeah okay, I got your number, sister.

I am a woman too and I look at the ass first and it has to be nicely and well rounded to make me look at the rest of the man.

But still, the nose always knows first before that first exchange of checking each other out.

So, thinking about my own situation, I remember checking my soon to be ex out the same way 17 years ago and it seemed to fit, or at least it did for a while.

Now here is why we did not work out.

First of all, we are from two different worlds. Our worlds seemed to clash a lot, because his world just did not understand mine and kept drilling holes until my world got tired of being spit on.

When the sex is alright, you can pretend for a while that all is well, but when that starts being a problem too due to it turning mechanical and letting the 9-5 days in and starting to neglect, or he starts talking to his exes and is friendlier to them than to you, then there really is no point in staying together any longer.

So you start being the man and the woman of the household, because that too has become unimportant to him, and then ask yourself where your sanity and happiness went, just to find out, there is none left.

Then the depression settles in, you start to cry for no obvious reasons – a lot – and just want to be held by someone that tells you it will all be alright, just to find out, there is no one. In my case I turned to animals and substituted, but that was not the key to my happiness either.

I reminded myself on the movie – Run, Lola, Run, because I seemed to have ran away all of my life. Not this time! I tried to explain and rescue what was left of my marriage just to be pushed away by stupid comments and downright insults and being belittled. So I just stopped talking. He did not even realize that I said years ago, if I stop talking about what bothers me and become really quiet, it is a sign that it is going to be over. I did that for over two years and it still did not change.

Living a Wicca lifestyle, because of my beliefs, I should have continued my magical works, but my mindset was off, so I could not even do that right anymore. I fell in a very deep hole of depression, but no one noticed, because I covered it well.

I went into nature and cried almost daily at least once for no apparent reason, but I would have been damned to cry in front of him, because the one time I did try to rescue what was left of my relationship, I was told to call someone who cares and to quit whining. So I did !!!!

I kept doing what I was doing, working as a teacher, writing and recording my songs as I was in the mood and kept slowly dying off more and more on the inside. And still no one noticed.

At my age, I had given up on ever being with my dream man, that would sweep me off my feet and just love me for who I am, and I came to terms that my marriage is not going to change and I was just stuck in my situation.

As I was going to try a bit harder to get closer, a miracle happened to rescue me. It did not look like that at first, but in the end it is what freed me.

One of his ex’s, who he had a sexual relationship with before my time and over 15 years ago, decided out of the blue to write to him. Oh yeah, he told me about it and I said I do not care, which I really did not. She posed no threat and definitely not 19000 km away.

I could read the conversations and it was just a bunch of blah blah – until one day when she wanted a picture. If a man goes out and turns himself into Darth Vader with fiery eyes and a tag: I’ve got the juice(!) my alarm bells will start to go off. I sided with him, so he thought and actually followed the conversations and he felt free as a bird to talk to her. After all, his wife knew about it. I sent gifs matching her statements, and he felt easy as a pea in the pod. He actually admitted after what she did to him long ago, he loved her graveling attention. Little did he know that this was a test from my side and I took that opportunity to see how far he would take this!

She started to talk freely and became looser and I started to fight with him about her. His statement was: With what right do you deserve respect from her? Do you think a marriage license gives you that right? I went off on his ass, after having two cocktails. The day came where she shared her sexual fantasy with him about what she would love to do to him, and even though he never really gave in to her, he did not stop her either.

Something broke inside of me and for me, it was over right then and there. Something broke inside of me and for me, it was over right then and there. Now I am far from perfect and can be pretty difficult at times, and I may do a lot of things, but cheating is not one of them. To me, cheating starts with a thought and if you did not stop someone’s fantasy about you, you already cheated. To me cheating starts with a thought and if you did not stop someone’s fantasy about you, you already cheated.

Now he did not get my point at all and still does not understand why I broke it all off, but you see, it was a slow and growing process over years. SHE was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

It did not take very long and my miracle started for me, after praying for months and years for someone to enter my life, that is my equal, my match, my lover, best friend, playmate and my beginning and end. Does such a person exist? I started to doubt it, because the kind of love I was looking for all of my life, was the kind you find in romance novels and 50 cent stories.

Well guess what? As I already stated in part 1, such a man does exist and I firmly believe it was the God(s), who put us together, because we are the same – twin flames, soul mates and we are meant to be one. Even though we are still 8000 miles apart, we spend at least 12 hours together in face time daily with only breaking it off when he or I sleep.

He is everything I ever wanted in a man and so much more, I have to pinch myself at times to make sure this is real. We will be together physically really soon, and he not only embraces me, but my 20 animals as well and THAT is a rarity. This is one man, I am keeping and making damn sure he is happy. I do love my woodworking witch more than anything in the world and other than our beliefs, we share everything else the same as well.

This story will progress and continue and it will have a very happy end, because we both are working towards that. Two damaged souls have found each other and became one in a love, that is unique, hard to describe and for many not to understand. We have the realm and we have us for now, but when there is a big lightning across the sky some day soon, you will know that the whispering witch and the woodworking witch finally united forever and always. Namaste from Thailand )0(

And how was Your day?